


2D

by embarrassing old stuff from LJ pre-2015 (prevaricator)



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Video Game World, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-05
Updated: 2010-08-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 12:05:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prevaricator/pseuds/embarrassing%20old%20stuff%20from%20LJ%20pre-2015
Summary: Yamapi brings two guests to NEWS dance practice: Kusano, and a vortex. They all fall into the vortex, and end up in a video game.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from LJ

**2D**  
PG-ish (some swearing), 8nin NEWS gen, 2773 words  
Summary: Yamapi brings two guests to NEWS dance practice: Kusano, and a vortex. They all fall into the vortex, and end up in a video game.  
A/N: Inspired by [this gif.](http://i30.tinypic.com/vijurt.gif) Dumb game is dumb. Any parts that seem mildly intelligent are probably stolen from existing games. This fic took me forever. For the person who egged me on, though I should probably apologize. I should probably also apologize to all the lovely people who gave me concrit...which I didn't do much about. orz

Kusano glanced at his watch as he opened the door to NEWS' practice room. It was an hour after the practice was scheduled to start.

"Pi! You're la- Kusano? The fuck are you doing here?" Ryo said.

"Don't sound so excited," Kusano put one hand to his heart and the other to his forehead in an exaggerated gesture. "I might feel too loved."

He used the hand on his forehead to sweep off his hood and looked around. Barring Yamapi, all current members of NEWS were present, along with Uchi. Uchi waved. "Where's Pi? He told me to come."

Shige snorted from the couch on the other side of the room. "I don't suppose he told you that over drinks last night?"

"Only two," Kusano replied. "Why, is that what _you_ were doing last night?"

Shige's cheeks were still flushed from the mad dash Kusano had spotted him making into the building as he walked up. He glowered at Kusano's jab, but avoided answering by changing the subject. "So why _are_ you here?"

Flopping down on the couch and slinging an arm around Shige's shoulders, Kusano smirked. "A little birdie told me _somebody_ was having trouble remembering all the dances for the concert. I thought I'd offer you my expertise."

Shige crossed his arms and started to say something, but he was cut off by the loud bang of the door being thrown open.

Yamapi came dashing into the room and clung to the nearest person. "Help me!" he gasped. "It's _following me_."

Massu surreptitiously tried to detach Yamapi's arms from around his waist while backing away from the door. "What's following you?"

"The vortex!" Yamapi pointed out the door.

Everyone else looked at the door, then at each other, and back to the door. For a second or two, nothing happened.

Then the door shuddered and flew from its hinges and down the hall. A second later, a red and black vortex swirled into view, with all the smoothness and grace of an Atari game.

Massu lunged back in horror. Tripping over Yamapi's foot, he fell flat on his back. Yamapi, failing to let go in time, fell on top of him with a yelp. They both scrabbled toward the other side of the room as the rest of NEWS looked on, utterly dumbfounded.

"What the fuck is that?" Ryo yelled eventually.

Yamapi managed to look sheepish, even as he scrambled to his feet and ducked behind the couch. "I don't know, it's been following me since I woke up."

"Then why the hell did you lead it _here_?" Ryo glared.

Yamapi pouted and started to say something, but Kusano cut him off with a more pressing question. "How do we get _away_ from it?"

Everyone looked around. The room only had one door. There were windows, but they were on the eighth floor of the building. Kusano figured he had a better chance of surviving a pixelated vortex than an eight-story fall. Tegoshi ran over to double check, anyway.

Everyone looked up- there was a vent in the ceiling. Kusano looked from it to the rapidly advancing vortex. Even if one of them had a screw driver, they wouldn't have a chance of making it into the air ducts in time.

"Everyone get on the couch, quick!" Koyama shouted suddenly.

"What?" Shige said, even as he followed Koyama's instructions. "Why?"

Koyama climbed on next to him, kneeling so that he could cling to the back of the sofa for dear life. "So we don't lose each other!"

"Somehow, I don't think a sofa's going to keep us all together when we're all _dead_ , Koyama," Shige retorted. The rest of NEWS gradually climbed on, eventually forced to face forward, with Tegoshi on Yamapi's lap. Kusano looked them over, before deciding that out of the open laps left, Shige was the least likely to throw up on him. He clambered into Shige's lap and clung to the back of the sofa.

"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Ryo said, the last one not on the couch. He crossed his arms. Koyama pouted at him and reached out a hand, just as Uchi's hat was sucked into the vortex before them. Uchi patted his head and looked at the vortex in horror, then reached over the back of the couch to grab Ryo's shirt.

"If I'm going, you're coming with me," he snarled, tugging until Ryo was close enough for Uchi and Koyama to grab by the shoulders and drag onto the couch. His feet were still dangling over the edge when the couch shuddered and began sliding toward the red and black mess. One foot hit Kusano's face as Ryo swung around, eventually ending up sitting across Koyama and Uchi's laps, but before Kusano had the chance to cuss Ryo out for kicking his face, the sofa slid into the swirl of red and black.

They all screamed like babies as they were engulfed in the vortex. Air rushed past them, and from the queasy feeling in his stomach, Kusano guessed that they were falling. It was too dark to see in between the short red flashes.

 

 

After what seemed like a century of falling, the couch landed on something with a thump. Kusano opened his eyes, only realizing then that he had closed them, and looked around.

The first thing he noticed was that world looked strangely flat. He rubbed at his eyes, then noticed that his hands looked strange, too–flat, and with a dark outline around them. His clothes also looked a little odd. He looked up at where Shige's face should be and found himself face to face with a cartoon character dressed in a green pirate outfit.

"What the fuck?" he squeaked out, proud of himself for being more eloquent than Shige, who just screamed. Similar sounds came from the people to either side of them.

At least their voices were the same, Kusano thought as he looked around some more, noting that they all appeared to be dressed like pirates.

The couch was sitting on a cartoonized grassy hill. There were more hills extending into the distance, where they met with the cloudless blue sky, and in one direction, what looked like the ocean. A single, unbroken wall stretched from horizon to horizon, running along the bases of the hills. Just beyond it, Kusano could just make out a black and red swirling object.

Kusano tried to climb off the couch, only to discover that he couldn't move in that direction. He wiggled around, and discovered that he could move to the left or to the right, along the couch, but not forward or backward.

"What the fuck?" he repeated. "Can anyone move in more than two directions, or am I the only one stuck like this?"

"I can't, either," Uchi said. "It's like we're in an old video game or something."

"I can't move at all," Shige said, glaring. On his new cartoon face, the effect was more comical than scary, particularly when an anime-esque angry mark appeared over his temple. "You're squashing me."

Kusano just snorted.

Ryo clambered over the arm of the couch and off. "Hey, I can get off this way."

"Really?" Uchi asked, immediately making the question moot by crawling off the couch himself.

Everyone else followed his lead, except for Tegoshi, who climbed off the other end. He walked a few feet and then stopped, like he'd hit a wall. He put his hands out and felt around the air in front of him.

"I can't go any farther than this," he said. Once he'd clambered back onto the couch and off the other side, they all went down the hill to the wall, for lack of any better options. They were forced to walk single file, discovering early on that the only way they could pass each other was to leapfrog.

When they reached the wall, they saw that the top was well above Uchi's head. It appeared to be made of red brick, but it was completely smooth to the touch. Climbing it was clearly out of the question, though that didn't stop Kusano from trying to jump over it. His hopes that this video game-like world would allow him to jump higher than his own head were quickly dashed, and he fell quickly back to the ground.

Massu wanted to try a running jump, so they all filed back up the hill. He dashed down the hill and leaped, planting a foot in the wall to get higher, but he still couldn't reach the top. Tegoshi, being Tegoshi, insisted on trying the same thing. He ended up just as unsuccessful, to the surprise of absolutely nobody.

"Maybe we can try busting the wall down with the couch," Ryo suggested as Tegoshi walked back up the hill, dejected.

"But this looks like a logic game," Shige said. "Those don't usually like brute force."

"Got any better ideas?" Ryo asked. Shige didn't, so they all climbed over the couch and crammed onto the other side while Yamapi and Ryo shoved the couch down the hill.

It slid quickly down the hill, something Kusano suspected shouldn't even be able to happen, and hit the wall with a thud. The wall swayed back and forth for a few seconds, but it held.

"Maybe we need to weigh it down," Shige supplied.

"With what?" Kusano asked. He didn't see anything to weigh it down with, except themselves.

"Us," Shige said, verifying his suspicions.

Koyama, not keen on the idea of sitting on a couch to be sent hurtling down a hill, immediately volunteered to do the pushing. Massu joined him, as Kusano helped Yamapi get the couch back up the hill. The six who weren't pushing all piled onto it again.

After a good deal of effort on Koyama and Massu's part, the couch sped down the hill and hit the wall, bursting straight through it and into the vortex on the other side.

 

 

The couch landed with a thump, just as it had before, but they were all disappointed to find that they weren't back in the studio. As they sat and groaned at the sight of the same world they'd been in before, Koyama and Massu tumbled out of thin air and fell into their laps, both screaming.

Once they'd calmed down and sorted out limbs (Ryo complained that "I think Massu's fat ass just broke my thigh"), they looked around.

The same set of cartoon grassy hills stretched around them, though the ocean was much nearer than before, and they could see a ship in the water. Instead of a wall, this time their path to the vortex was blocked by a narrow chasm that stretched from horizon to horizon. There was a wooden plank on each side of the chasm.

They were pleasantly surprised to discover that they could now move in all directions, though their path was again blocked by an invisible wall after a certain distance in three directions. Still, they had enough room to walk abreast of each other.

From the two planks, they got a general idea of what they were supposed to do- use one plank as a springboard to get someone to the other side, then use the other plank to make a bridge for the rest of them.

Shige moved the plank out so that one end was over the chasm while Ryo and Koyama dragged the couch over and put one leg on the end of the plank. Then Kusano and Tegoshi had an argument over who got to be the jumper, which Kusano eventually won simply by running to the plank while Tegoshi was busy employing his formerly fail proof mega-pout.

Kusano ran to the edge of the plank and leaped. He nearly didn't make it, hearing Koyama scream in horror as he just managed to grab the edge of the cliff in time to haul himself over the edge to safety. With his hands still shaking from the resultant adrenaline rush, he moved the plank out over the edge and discovered a problem–it wasn't long enough to overlap with the other plank.

"I don't think it really matters," Ryo said, already starting to cross. "Just stay where you are to hold down that end."

But when he reached Kusano's plank, it gave a little. Ryo scrambled, trying to keep his balance. This had the opposite of the desired effect, and Ryo tumbled from the plank and into the chasm.

Before anyone had any time to react, they found themselves back on the couch, with the planks returned to their original places.

"Ryo-chan, are you okay?" Koyama asked. He stood up and got off the couch.

"Yeah," Ryo grumbled in response, the same cartoon vein mark appearing over his forehead as the one that had appeared over Shige's earlier.

They all walked back over to the chasm.

"Kusano must not weigh enough to hold the plank down," Shige suggested. "Maybe we need two people. Or Massu, if he can get across."

Massu pouted a little at the implications of Shige's comment, but agreed to try the jump. It helped that they knew now they wouldn't end up dead if they fell.

It took three tries to get Massu across. By the third try, Ryo was angry and everyone else a little irritable for having to repeatedly set up the couch and plank.

Ryo was the next to try to cross again. "Who knew having a fatass in the group would turn out to be useful," he snorted as he stepped onto the plank Massu was holding down.

Massu glared at him and stepped off the plank, sending Ryo tumbling into the chasm for the second time.

"You totally deserved that," Shige said to Ryo when they were back on the couch, just as Uchi said something similar. Ryo glowered.

This time, they all managed to get safely across (both Uchi and Koyama looked terrified crossing, but no heart attacks were had). They all jumped into the vortex, Koyama clinging to Shige and Uchi to Massu, everyone hoping that this time, they would find the practice room on the other side.

Nobody was surprised when they didn't.

 

 

Instead, they landed on an empty beach. The ship they'd seen earlier was anchored off shore. A dinghy sat upturned on the beach, with oars and a large sack of something lying next to it. Upon further examination, the sack contained dozens of ninja stars.

"Are we supposed to be pirates or ninjas?" Kusano snorted.

They quickly decided that they were supposed to row the dinghy out to the ship and climb aboard. They turned the boat upside right and carried it to the water. Shige grabbed the sack of ninja stars, saying they couldn't have been there for no reason, and they crammed into the boat.

Yamapi was assigned the job of rowing, largely because Ryo challenged him to prove that his moobs had a function.

Kusano found himself squished between Koyama and Shige on a bench.

"So, how did you resist the Tegoshi mega-pout back there?" Koyama asked. "I always end up giving him everything he wants."

Kusano snickered. "I have this thing called a backbone. Maybe you should get yourself one, too."

Koyama pouted and shoved his shoulder.

When they reached the ship, the need for the ninja stars became clear- there was a ladder on the side of the boat that was held out of reach by a rope.

Uchi grabbed one of the shuriken and tossed it, hitting the mark on the first try.

"Whoa, how did you do that?" Yamapi asked, as the ladder came sliding down.

"I have practice," Uchi said. He started climbing the ladder before anyone could ask where, and more importantly, _why_ he had practiced throwing shuriken.

Everyone followed him up the ladder to the deck of the boat, where the vortex was waiting for them.

It seemed a little too easy, but nobody was about to argue.

 

 

 

"Well, that was anticlimactic," Shige said as he picked himself up from the floor of NEWS' practice room. He stepped away just in time to save himself from having Tegoshi fall on his head.

"Are you complaining?" Kusano asked. He didn't really expect an answer, and he didn't receive one.

"Yamapi, please don't ever do solo work again," a frazzled Koyama declared, once they were all gathered in the practice room.

Yamapi apologized.

They spent the rest of the evening coming up with an explanation for the disappearance of the practice room's couch.

 

THE END. Edits?


End file.
